![]() “God never gives us more than we can handle.” If this were true, we could face anything ourselves and we wouldn’t need God.A better question is to say, “What in your personality or experience will help you get through this?” You really are not there to cheer them up, rather to help them share this experience. “You are such a strong and brave person you can beat this.” While these words are well intentioned, the person may think of themself as weak and afraid. ![]() It would be more helpful to ask a question, “Is this type of cancer treatable? What have your doctors told you about treatment options?” To say, “at least your cancer” is dismissive. ![]() “Well, at least your cancer is treatable.” Add this to the top of your list of what not to say.Instead, you can ask, “Does having cancer open up any new fears you never had to face before? Would you be willing to tell me how you feel?” This allows the person to share their experience. “I know exactly how you feel.” No one knows exactly how another person feels! Even if you have had cancer yourself, you don’t know what words other people would use to describe how they feel.Be kind to yourself if you have said the phrases of “what not to say.” We have all done this at some time, but we can now gain new insights! These tips can provide meaningful conversations that will be rewarding to all involved. His insights are helpful for all of us who seek to comfort a friend or loved one facing cancer or other life changing illness. Charlie has decades of interactions as he walked with people who faced cancer. ![]() Recently I came across a helpful article by hospital chaplain, Charlie Deridder, “What Not to Say to Someone Who Has Cancer”. Being a helpful advocate when someone is facing a challenging medical situation involves encouragement and care.
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